“I wish the people around me would look into me and not at me.”
“Some people have curtain-like contexts, others wall-like contexts”, says Richard Bandler. If you ask 20 people about yourself and then send their opinions, you’d better be aware that there might be reactions of the type “I never thought that somebody could consider X this way…”.
An essential challenge for anybody wanting to “sell” themselves is that people are wonderful, beautiful, and unique in their own way. Still, some don’t really want to find out how wonderful, beautiful and special they are because they insist on showing others how they think they are, a perception of the type “no, let me tell you: I am beautiful, so and so!”… without really knowing themselves.
Each of those sending you feedback regarding yourself essentially replies, to a larger or smaller extent, through specific mirrors, projections, and resonances with you concerning several attributes, i.e., “I have, or I wish I had what I like about yourself” and “I don’t have, or I don’t like about myself what I don’t like about you.”
In my personal experience, I have noted that those who give you the most valuable feedback work a lot with people and/or artistic details, having an excellent intuition about the profound knowledge of people due to the nature of their field of professional activity.
In reality, there are no problems and defects unless pathology occurs. There are things about yourself that are bothering you enough to consider that they are worth being changed, and you choose to take a conscious step to change them, and things that you think are not worth being changed.
The most obvious things are true: education and self-education factors; certain convictions which, although practical, generate problems in other areas; the available space and time for managing the resources; the importance given to the formal aspect-related matters, etc. These are the main factors that must be taken into account. However, they serve as a context for understanding specific mechanisms and not as excuses. The others most often don’t perceive the causes but the effects.
The expectations of others belong to others. So there will always be things about yourself that others wouldn’t like. Or, as Bob Hope used to say, “the safest way to unhappiness is trying to please everybody.”
All of those that we choose to communicate with our partial mirrors. All of them create a more critical part of your identity. Their union is you. Showing who you are to all of them is a futile “baring”. Matching one’s mutual parts and speaking their language is a respect policy. The better you get along with several people, the less you find yourself in them!
If you liked this article, then I also recommend these to you:
Marcus Victor Grant
Communication strategy and human resources consultant
Copyright (C) Marcus Victor Grant 2010-2014 Translation by Cristiana Brezeanu of the article “Feed-back la 360 de grade,” published initially in Romanian on 28.6.2014 on Discerne
Copyright © Marcus Victor Grant, 2018-present