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Posts Tagged ‘psychology’

Meta Time

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 13/11/2017

I invite you to read an article (the first one in a new series) which will show you how time management influences one’s personality: The Timeline.  This is a fundamental meta-feature which dominates somebody’s personality, although it can be different in different contexts. The article “In Time” is its continuation: the detailing of the first main perception.  This is the third article of the series, which details the “Meta Time” perception.

Meta Time (partial association with the Judgement function, defined by Jung; not to be mistaken for monochronism or polychronism within chronemics)

Also known as «Through Time», the Meta Time perception implies the fact that, as seen in space, it is somewhere on the outside, so that no segment of the line touches the body of the one visualizing it. The classical form implies two typical manifestations: either a half circle from left (past) to right (future) or a straight line ahead, having the present ahead.

Forms which you will encounter with clients may be: line ahead, in the back, on the ground, in front of one’s eyes. The line may be curved, criss-cross, in a spiral, anyhow, as long as it is outside the body. If it touches the body in any way, then it is a clearly an In Time case. However, I should mention that, if for certain segments (such as from the past, or from the present, or from the future), the timeline touches the body, there can be In Time features, or the perspective of that segment shall be a Meta Time approach, and this is something rather common in the past, in the case of traumas. If, on the contrary, the perspective is In Time, and in a certain segment (the past, especially) is ahead, Meta Time features shall be on an In Time perspective.

Time Line Therapy® founders are using the term through time, because when the client supposedly took a step, he would step “through” the line that illustrates time. However, H. Arne Maus, who has actually performed researches in the timeline field, as well as Ann Renew, an L. Michael Hall’s collaborator from South Africa (who classified timeline as a metaprogram in 2005, calling it “Time experience”), use the phrase Meta Time. Being closer to research, the author of this article prefers the second version.

The individual who will have a meta perception of time will have a high capacity to get detached from emotions. He will have the power to experiment any emotion, as an interesting experience; then, he will be able to go to the next one without a problem. Practically, the emotional register of a person in the Meta Time state can significantly be more diverse than the one of a person in In Time, and for this reason, professionally, they can be excellent … actors (!) or sales agents. They have the capacity to disassociate from a negative emotion, and the power to get over inner conflicts relatively easily. If doubled by empathy, this capacity can indicate an extremely good communicator. Unfortunately, such a perspective does not offer the possibility to «live in the moment». In this case, the motivation can be given by a clearly set agenda.

Meta Time has a strong impact on one’s work style, offering the conditioning to do several things simultaneously, in parallel, in several stages, without necessarily completing them. A person with a Meta Time perspective shall not feel good unless (s)he works on at least 3-4 things at the same time, has started working on another 5, and is planning on 6 more. And the interesting thing about it is that s(he) will most likely do them well, especially if they are allowed to organize themselves. If allowed to, they will create their system where the combinations of the things they do will help them save time. Their perception of those who have the In Time perception is that they walk «in straight tram-like manner», that they are “small-minded“, that they are superficial because they are not able to plan anything, and that they are wasting their time with worthless things, etc.

Meta Time is the only perspective from which planning can be achieved (and met!). The time management courses are prepared by those having the Meta Time perception for those with the Meta Time perception. Time is money, and it can be divided into days, days into hours, hours into minutes, in each of these minutes there is a planned activity, and they will show you that in their agenda it’s full of doodles. If they set their alarm for 7 a.m., and they wake up at 7.05, they will feel guilty, and in some serious cases, this risks causing a tragedy. They will show punctuality; moreover, they will arrive earlier than it was planned for meetings, and most likely, they will be intolerant with those who are not punctual in their turn, whom they will consider unreliable for this reason. They may express opinions such as «if you respect me, then you arrive on time! ». If something comes up, it is no problem, anything can be rescheduled. (unlike the In Time perspective, in which any replanning can be the source of a nightmare). Anything and anybody are replaceable, as long as the changes can be made in the agenda on time. They shall abandon the workplaces where they are not told, or cannot precisely and exactly establish what they will do from the moment they walk into the office until they leave it.

The Meta Time dominated persons are, par excellence, business people. There is no chance that a business freelancer could achieve something if s(he) does not have a Meta Time perspective. Very rarely shall one find In Time perspective people in leading positions, and usually they shall not stay there long. Any type of job that requires the ability to work with several timetables, the ability to plan and do several things at the same time requires a Meta Time perspective. It is, par excellence, the field of engineers, accountants, architects, movie directors.

Personally, the Meta Time perspective persons have the capacity to judge things «in the light of cold reason», thinking very rationally, objectively, as related to actual necessities. They shall rely on facts rather than emotions. They shall not have the preference to live in the moment, but they shall have the capacity to issue and meet certain standards, without living profound disappointments. In exaggerated cases, they will be able to even organize their wedding as a project (it is something that requires planning, right?), which shall have the following components: 1.1. proposal. 1.1.1. choosing the right place 1.1.2. finding the ring […] 1.2. talking to the parents 1.3 choosing the venue. And they shall rigorously comply with the planning. Or they shall have their partner comply with it, while they supervise the process.

Examples of people fitting this profile: Donald Trump, Steven Spielberg, Mugur Isărescu, Andy Szekely, Jean-Michel Jarre.

Jean-Michel Jarre – “Chronology part IV”

References:

Hall, Michael. L, Bodenhamer, Bobby G. (2005). Figuring Out People. Reading People using Meta-Programs, Crown House Publishing, Ltd, Bancyfelin, Carmarthen, Wales, UK, pp. 152-154; pp. 247-249;

Translation of the article ”Meta Time “ originally published in Romanian by Ștefan Alexandrescu at the 14th of August 2012 on Discerne. Translated by Cristiana Boicu, 2017. Originally written in 2007. Updated by Ștefan Alexandrescu at 21.10.2017

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In Time

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 30/10/2017

I invite you to read an article (the first of a new series) that will show you how time management influences the personality: The Timeline. This is a fundamental meta-feature that dominates one’s personality although in different contexts it can vary. “In Time” is its continuation: the detaliation of the first main perception.

In Time (partial association with the perception function, defined by Jung; not to be confused with the monochronicity or the polychronicity from the chronemics)

The timeline, visualized in space, passes through the client’s body or touches him in any way. The classical position is the future in front, the present within and the past behind. But this is rarely observed, the greatest odds are that it will only be found in books. Very often such a perception of the timeline will have a series of very interesting and diverse shapes, such as: vertically from the top of the head to the feet; in front, but without touching the body; a spiral shape around the body; partially vertical and partially horizontal; etc.

Robert Zemeckis’ masterpiece from 2015, The Walk, offers a great depiction of the In Time perception right on its poster:

Usually, it’s considered that the individual that will have an In Time perception over time will have a high capacity to live emotions in that respective context and he will not be able to detach himself/herself. This is not the case though, for example, for people that are in a trauma, and their unconscious defense strategies determine them to have a disassociated behavior, an unfitting description for an In Time perspective. For an objective opinion, an outside person will be needed. In some rare cases, that person will manage to understand certain emotions only by empathizing with someone that is also living those emotions and by observing from the outside, to then (afterward) realize that they can be found within himself/herself. The motivation of someone like that can be stimulated by reminding them to live in the now and by offering them a rich emotional activity or by adopting a “we care” politics.

The distinction has a strong impact on the work context. An In Time behavior will provide the conditioning to do one thing, start to finish, and it will create difficulties when, in that context, the individual is forced to do more things at the same time. The beliefs associated to an In Time perspective are «Do something start to finish and do it well or don’t do it at all »; «If you do more things at the same time, then you cannot do them well ».

Those that use this perspective might have the tendency to consider those that have a Meta Time perspective as shallow because they start doing more things at the same time and don’t finish them, agitated, people that waste their life away with plans without living the joy of just being. From this point of view, a person with an In Time perspective will feel motivated by activities that have a clear and defined beginning, middle and end. They will not accept explanations such as “Do this first and then we’ll see” because there is the risk that this activity will not be carried out in the end. They will have a feeling of paltering if they will not have all the elements presented in an In Time language.

The In Time perception prevents any kind of planning. Those that use it regularly in the work environment will not have a lot of professional achievements, compared to those that have a Meta Time perception in the professional context, as a result of the fact that they cannot manage their time. « Something always comes up! ». A person with an In Time perception will throw away money on time management books and courses, these will not help though, as it will only present foreign and hard to apply perspectives.

In meetings, people with an In Time perspective will regularly be late 15-45 minutes. Almost everytime, never on time, only accidentally or with a great deal of sacrifice. They will set their watch forward to force themselves to make the meetings, they will write it on a scrap of paper (not on an agenda, no way, this is an accessory that does not exist, or is rather empty, for a person that delights in the Perception function) the meetings 20 minutes before they take place because they know they will be late, etc. If someone tells them: « You’re 10 minutes late! » they will very naturally reply: « 10 minutes isn’t late. 10 minutes is exactly on time ». Or they will invoke the «academic quarter». These latenesses can also be based on an associated conviction attributed to an unfortunate experience like « either way most people that I meet either don’t show up or they are late, so why should I be the one that waits? ».

In certain situations, it can be a living nightmare for a Meta Time practitioner to set up a meeting with a person that has an In Time perception. If it is about two people that use the In Time perception, it is highly likely it will be even more frustrating because each of them has his/her own perception of time and they can differ a lot. This will generate answers such as «I can’t tell you now my schedule two days from now. Call me that morning» or «I don’t know what will come up tomorrow. We’ll talk then».

People with an In Time perspective can be excellent: artists, actors, art critics,  anchorpersons, entertainers, politicians, people that work in creation (artistic, publicity) because they manage, by living in the now, to express their reactions in a spontaneous manner. They are absolutely awful as: financial auditors, accountants, engineers, architects, project editors, strategists. Still, they will need an assistant or a staff that have a Meta Time perspective and that they will listen to in order to be able to perform in one of these fields. This way, they will live moment to moment until they will not have the freedom to live in the now anymore. And then they will get frustrated. This is the reason why there are so many «starving artists»: they were unable to partner up with someone that has a «Meta Time» perspective that can support them to highlight their preference to live in the now.

Sentimentally, an In Time perspective offers those that have it the possibility to be involved in the relationship and to live the present moment now with the partner. The In Time perspective on love is that it is wonderful and that it needs to be lived in every moment as it is. This perspective, manifested in an exaggerated manner leads to the «love is blind» phenomenon. Actually, it’s not the love that is blind, but it’s the ones that have an In Time perspective that cannot disassociate what they feel and observe from the outside. Also taking into consideration different combinations with other personality structures, people with the In Time perspective, although they can live and share with others (including through literature and art in general), are also the ones that suffer the greatest disappointments and ask themselves «why?», especially when they do not have a «Meta Time» person as a counselor that can «open their eyes» objectively from the outside. Unfortunately, a lot of people choose to disappoint themselves (after they have deceived themselves) and to draw pejorative conclusions such as «there is no right partner for me», at young ages, up to 30 years old, and that can usually be the result of an In Time perspective focused on negative emotions, without paying attention to the suggestions of people that have a Meta Time perspective.

In Time may also be the favorite behaviour that “shelters” in  sentimental relationships: the mental dependency from the physical dependency of the partner (the partner using In Time accuses the one that uses Meta Time that he/she does not make time for him/her), the abandonment complex and the games from the drama triangle. For a functional long term relationship, each partner needs to have, in a professional context or separately, a Meta Time preference.

Examples of personalities that (might) have had or that have this behavior structure: Mihai Eminescu, Traian Băsescu, Steve Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Translation of the article ”In Time” originally published in Romanian by Ștefan Alexandrescu on the 10th of August 2012 at Discerne. Translated by Ștefan Constantin Bădrăgan, 2017. Originally written in 2007. Updated by Ștefan Alexandrescu at 21.10.2017

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The Timeline

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 13/10/2017

Motto:

« [The Romanian] is wasteful with time, more so than people from the West. Time is anything for the Romanian but a currency. At the fair, he haggles for hours for whatnots. The same goes for parties, he loses days and nights»; «It is said that [the Romanian] is undisciplined working in the economic field. When at the same time people from the West keep a regular rhythm, like clockwork, the Romanian people knows disorderly work, more like play.The Romanian does not work methodically, but in leaps; he has long periods of rest, and if needed he will work double tides and do slave work »

Constantin Rădulescu Motru (1998)

  

 

The history of the concept

The concept of the timeline was introduced even since Ancient Greece, and William James, one of the parents of modern psychology, has affirmed over a century ago that our perceptions of the events of our lives span over « a string of time ». Therefore, for thousands of years, it has been acknowledged that people had an own representation of time, in themselves. In other words, each person has its own way of representing, storing, and keeping time in their own body.

It was said, at the beginnings of developing the timeline, that, in general, Europeans tend to represent their timeline as passing through them, facing the future, living in the present and with the past behind them. This is classical In Time position.

Americans, on the other hand, represent the timeline in front of them, with the past on the left, the present in front of them and the future on the right. It is the classical Meta Time (Through Time) position.

This generalization was later retracted because people can have very different perceptions in different contexts (e.g. In Time relaxing during the weekend, but “very” Meta Time during business hours). All of the other positions derive from these two basic ones, with little variation. According to the way someone perceives it, the timeline it is split into two big categories: In Time and Meta Time.

Some specialists also consider Between Time and/or Across Time, arguing that they cannot be classified as subtypes of one of the above.

Before anything else, it is important to keep in mind that there are no “In Time people” and “Meta Time people”, even though these attitudes are easier to approach concerning an (apparently) dichotomous meta type. The timeline offers important clues as to how a client will think and react in the context for which the timeline was elicited. Throughout one’s life, this perception may change in relation to a lot of factors. People often present both characteristics in different contexts.

  

 

The perception of time in different cultures

For example, in Spain, Italy, Portugal, there is a predominantly In Time perception. There is, in extremes, that ”dolce far niente”, that can be found in Romanians as well. Romanians have a strong inclination towards In Time, even when it comes to projects. Planning is not one of our strong suits, as a people. All this considered, a very interesting phenomenon is happening in Romania right now, from a generational change standpoint. Muşătoiu (2006) shows, in an article that was awarded in the science and technology section of the Young Journalist of 2007 contest, organized by Freedom House and Edipresse AS, how the psychology of the personality is being influenced by technology in Romania and labels the Y generation as multitasking and technological par excellence.

People with a Meta Time perspective are by excellence business people. There is no way that a business freelancer will ever accomplish anything if he or she does not have a Meta Time perspective.

You will rarely find people in leadership positions with an In Time perspective, and they will not remain there for long. Any job that requires that ability to work with more than one schedule, to plan and do more than one thing at a time demands a Meta Time perspective.

Japan, USA, Germany, China offer examples of Meta Time cultures. It is the subjective opinion of the author of this article that it is highly likely that in certain countries before they went under American economic influence, there was a clear and dominant In Time perception 60-90 years ago. With the loans from the American funds, the population started not only to change their mentality towards a new value system, but also their perception of time, from In Time to Meta Time.

By Philmore1q2w3e4r (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Example of complex representation of a timelime by Philmore1q2w3e4r (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

 

NLP and the certification system for the timeline

The timeline, though a self-standing domain, as an accredited form of psychotherapy, has been getting an extraordinary contribution from NLP through research, books, training and presentations for decades now. The timeline is a certification field recognized by the American Board of Psychotherapists. For this one needs forming and licensing, just like any other therapy field. Those that have this accreditation have the right to work as timeline psychotherapists if they have a previous qualification as a psychotherapist, or as HR consultants in organizations.

Some specialists prefer to take a certification offer that includes both neuro linguistic programming and timeline. Training lasts in total, an approximated cumulated 2 weeks and it includes 3 separate levels, after which the trainee gets the right to practice on an international level, and it is also recognized by the American Board of Psychotherapists.

This is a method to deepen the applicative field and in which the student needs to master the qualifications (s)he needs to train in light of his/her professional development:

interpreting the personality according to the way the timeline is visualized;

modifying the perception of the timeline;

therapeutic interventions to resolve past trauma;

planning the personal and professional future using the timeline;

professional career counseling;

personal and professional development and management;

improvement of communication and planning skills.

Definitely useful for a career counselor.

  

 

References

Rădulescu Motru, Constantin (1998). Psihologia poporului român şi alte studii de psihologie socială, Bucureşti, Paideia, pages 24-25, acquired from http://www.scribd.com/doc/47379717/Psihologia-Poporului-Roman at 9.09.2017;

James, William (1890). Principles of Psychology: Volume I, Holt, New York, New York, USA, apud Howard, C. (2003) The NLP & Leadership Master Practitioner Audiotraining (Audio set), Manhattan Beach, California, USA;

Mitrică, Mihai; Nicolae, Crenguţa (26 iunie 2007) Încă un premiu, Business Magazin, acquired from http://www.businessmagazin.ro/actualitate/inca-un-premiu-2512903 at 9.09.2017;

Muşătoiu, Mihai (27 iunie 2006) Generaţia Multitasking, Business Magazin, acquired from http://www.businessmagazin.ro/cover-story/generatia-multitasking-1051639 at 9.09.2017;

Translation of the article ”Linia timpului” originally published in Romanian by Ștefan Alexandrescu at the 6th of August 2012 on Discerne. Translated by Ștefan Constantin Bădrăgan, 2017. Originally written in 2007. Updated by Ștefan Alexandrescu at 9.09.2017

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Stuart McBratney’s “Pop-Up” film reviewed by Ștefan Alexandrescu

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 23/09/2017

 

coproduction Australia-Romania, 2015

written and directed by Stuart McBratney

produced by Rebecca Abramovic

Seen at the Elvira Popescu / Institut Francais Cinema at the International Festival of Psychoanalysis and Film of December 2015. Vision date: Friday, December 11th, 2015.

The topic

“The film, a comedy with dramatic overtones, presents three stories that intertwine that of an unemployed father, a Romanian immigrant woman and a theater director seeking revenge on a critic.

The preview in Romania took place in the presence of the Australian director Stuart McBratney and the actress Laura Vasiliu. Andrea Sabbadini, the director of European Psychoanalytic Film Festival will comment this movie with the Director of Psychoanalysis International Film Festival, the film critic Irina Margareta Nistor. “(From the festival website: http://www.famart.ro/pop -up/)

Critical review

Seeing this independent movie, an Australia-Romania coproduction, creates some leapingly reactions. Either you marvel at the brilliance of a line, of a scene or the exposure of a psychological mechanism, or find yourself asking what are you doing in the cinema and why does the time hang so heavy.

This inequality comes from director’s oscillation itself, who, albeit creative, hasn’t got very clear in mind what he wanted to convey and, especially, what he managed to express. I was the fortunate spectator of a projection of which the author managed to clarify widely his intentions. But probably the vast majority of the viewers will not have this privilege – as happens with the vast majority of art movies.

Based on the principle “shoot at a pigeon and kill a cow”, the strength of the film doesn’t lie on the narrative technique (the crossing of some stories that incidentally converge to a narrative event that links the characters), because here things are really forced, appearing highly unlikely and cheap. The strength is the construction of the characters, due to which, the actors (very talented, as a matter of fact) really have what to play and the psychological mechanisms which the author stresses, really have the chance to emerge.

Of course, the sublimation of the emotions doesn’t represent a very interesting or obvious topic outside the psychologists’ area, but, somehow, to his credit, Stuart creatively manages to make it cinematographic. Therefore, we have an unqualified worker who defies his elevator phobia, a Romanian woman who faces her fear of rejection and a producer who struggles in order to get recognition. What the characters do on the screen with the emotions and the situations in which they find themselves is certainly exciting and also funny, here and there.

However, the direction in which each of these characters goes is not dramaturgical, is not dramatic and is not even credible. The starting point contains an unused potential. The author’s creativity works for the movie to a certain point. That point is when the structure should intervene. Pop-Up is a comedy that wants to be a drama or a drama that wants to be a comedy and manages to be neither one nor the other, so it remains a mediocrity.

Pop Up_02

Of course, it’s not wrong to make a movie about characters. As such, Pop-Up would stay in a place of honor in a psychological portraits gallery. But its tragedy is that it doesn’t aim to be a character movie, but a narrative one. And, as such, it fails.

The definition of drama is “how characters manage to triumph despite the toughest conditions.” The definition of comedy is “how do the characters fail despite the best conditions.” So the characters fail their initial intentions (Mick does not keep the job he chooses, Neil fails with his theater play, Rada fails in finding a boyfriend) in a quite comical manner.

However, they manage to triumph, despite the conditions rather limited and desperate, not as a result of their merits but as a result of a Deus Ex Machina event type: things simply arrange themselves on the good track. How cute! It ends like a fairy tale:

  • without characters taking responsibility for what happened in their life;
  • without negative consequences;
  • without making a much conscious effort.

In a similar way, Stuart McBratney’s film manages to make a zero-sum game, incidentally. It’s not a bad movie. But is not a good one either. And it doesn’s not say anything about reality but about how Stuart McBratney’s mind works. From whom I hope to see better.

Pop Up_01

My score: 5/10

Stefan Alexandrescu

Occasionally, film critic

Translation of the article ”Recenzia filmului românesc „Pop-Up” (2015)” by Ștefan Alexandrescu, initially published on Discerne at 21st of January 2016.  Copyright © Ştefan Alexandrescu 2016 for the Romanian original version. Translation by Alexandra Ioana Mateiciuc. Copyright © Alexandra Ioana Mateiciuc, 2016 for the English version of this article.

 

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10 Useful Skills That Will Make You A Better Entrepreneur

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 31/07/2017

 

Working as a consultant for entrepreneurs is exciting and stressful in the same time. I know, because I’ve done it for years. So I decided to share some of my observations that might come as very useful for entrepreneurs and not only.

Not having these skills will not ruin you, but it would certainly slow you down. This is not an exhaustive list, just a “top of my mind” approach that I think would be very precious especially for those in the beginning of the road that make the leap from freelancing to entrepreneurship.

  1. Creating rules based on your principles. Any company is similar to the entrepreneur which creates it. In the beginning, especially if you don’t have a lot of employees, it will be easy to express how other people should behave, act or think concerning your business in order to respect what you want to create. Principles are like a lighthouse in the dark and in the night. In the beginning, they might be clear and easy. But the best way to share them is to express them as laying foundations for the rules: not too many, not too few, but clear for everybody. Once set, everyone must respect them. You must respect them the best. In the same time, it is important to train this skill, because your principles evolve and so do you.

  2. Express gratitude. Train yourself to use any anniversary, any opportunity in order to thank people which have made a contribution. Thank your clients after buying from you. Thank your collaborators for doing a good work. Thank your employees for reaching the goals. Thank your partners for supporting you. If you believe in God, keep this in mind: do not wish for God to give you how much you can take! You can take and have as much as you want as a burden in this life. Whatever you want, God can give you. But, in order to keep it, you must remember to be satisfied with less and with more, to take any success as a gift from God and not as a merit. The gratitude is a key skill for an entrepreneur.

  3. Recognize the teachable people. There are no real incompetents, only people who don’t manifest or have lost the capacity to learn. Therefore, choose wisely to work with only those people who can be taught. Do not hope that giving chances to seemingly talented people will make them fly and become stars. Most oftenly, the people you like the most are not those which necesarrily perform the best. Welcome the people who you choose to improve their careeer working with you!

  4. Train yourself to make distinctions between options, possibilities, opportunities and probabilities. All might sound similar, but they are very different. Anything is possible until you have to chose options. Those options must be at least probable. Between the options which are probable, you have to prioritize your opportunities and decide wether you want to choose them or create them. But remember, whatever you do, your options must not only be possible, but probable also! Many young professionals start their entrepreneurship career doing business plans like they did during faculty, but fail miserably. Know your territory and act upon that knowledge!

  5. Constantly develop yourself. What happens when the one thing that you are able to do for your clients is the thing that stops you the most from developing yourself? The competition will likely take over in a matter of time. You need to constantly be a source for re-invention. Working for your own development should not be in a competition with working for your customers or with your employees. Time for yourself to develop is also needed in order to enhance your business.

  6. How much do you allow yourself and others to act authentic in a relationship? Find and recognize the other people’s values, beliefs and convictions. Beliefs are convictions we believe to be true. Attitudes are collections of beliefs and values around a certain topic. There isn’t such a things as a “non-value” or “anti-value”, there are only different beliefs, values and attitudes. Erach person is motivated by different scopes and if you learn to discover those asking specific questions (such as some from LAB profile), it is worth to use them and to link them with each of the important actions that need to be taken for your business plans to work. Values lead to motivation. Motivation leads to vision. Vision leads to strategy. Why? Because where there’s a will, there’s a way. If the strategy does not take into consideration the values of the employees, it will be a difficult to implement strategy.

  7. Use the faults of the employees in the favor of the teams. Knowing that a certain person has a low performance in a certain area means that you know not to delegate to that person something (s)he might do which is wrong. Creating teams taking into consideration both their strong points and their weak points is a service that you can do creating the kind of complementarity that the collaborators could and should appreciate.

  8. Constantly shape in your mind the model of the best entrepreneur that you can be. How does that feel? What does this model do? How do you see him or her? Remember, it’s a model, it’s not Superman, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Practice in your mind what you would do in different types of situations: with your employees, with the clients, with the partners. Put yourself in the shoes of people who need to make difficult decisions. What’s worth doing to become such an entrepreneur? What is it important to giv up in order to become this model?

  9. How do you manage to diplomatically tell the truth and be convincing without lying? Practice rethorics and argumentation. What’s worth doing in oder to prove that you are right? Sometimes, it’s not enough top be right. It also depends how you say it. Having different reframing strategies in order to make each person think in his/her way is required, because not everybody will be convinced by the same arguments. In business, it doesn’t matter so much who is right, it matters what makes things profitable. Also, please keep in mynd, what others perceive as a message matters, not what we intend to transmit.

  10. Serve your clients, for their own good, don’t please them. Politicians, coaches and psychologists may oftenly be “punished” for actually serving those who chose them. Pleasing the clients is something which others can do very easily, but it takes some courage to educate your clients to recognize their own deep needs and to be glad they are actually served by what you are offering.

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What is Schema Dynamics Programming

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 06/07/2017

 

The terminology

“Schema” comes from schema therapy and refers to the maladaptive schemas taxonomy developed by Jeffrey Young, Ph.D. and his collaborators since the ’80s. It is the problem-oriented component of the field, using psychometric questionnaires developed and tested by scientists to evaluate which are the schemas and modes which pathologically influence the emotions, the thoughts, the behavior and the language of the people. Schemas are triggered by traumas, most likely from childhood and, through complications, when activated, may generate discomfort, stress, challenge, failure and ultimately, psychiatric illness.

Dynamics” comes from “Spiral Dynamics”, a field founded in the ’70s by Clare Graves, Ph.D., and it refers to the multiple values levels layered in the personality, which may be changing in time. It is the results-driven component of the field, using advanced psychometric testing developed by professional researchers in order to discover which type of potential and perspective is enabled in order to support the transformational development of the individuals and societies.

Programming” comes from “Neuro-Linguistic Programming” (NLP), the field developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, Ph.D. starting in the ’70s, centered on using complex practical processes in order to provide with models of excellence. Although sometimes presented as a pseudoscience, some fields of NLP, such as metaprograms and values have been psychometrically tested as scientifically valid models of correctly structuring the language, behavior and personality.

ST (schema therapy) and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) have both common roots in Gestalt therapy.

In some NLP Master Practitioner training, the Spiral Dynamics model is studied.

 

Positioning

What are the characteristics of Schema Dynamics Programming? How is SDP different from:

  • Psychotherapy?

  • NLP (neuro-linguistic programming)?

  • Spiral Dynamics?

  • ST (schema therapy)?

  • Coaching?

SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) provides the client with a flexible set of processes for personal transformation. This enables the functions of both psychotherapy and coaching: it works both for the traumas in the past and the goals in the future.

SDP provides a directed structure. The schema dynamic programmer knows how to recognize and measure the results of the changes when dealing with personal issues, professional goals, past, present and future. The structure is directed in the sense that the schema dynamic programmer uses both descriptive complex maps and tools to knows where the client is, knows where (s)he wants to go and, after considering the available options (tools, processes, techniques), chooses one or several procedures to follow and monitor.

To merely give an example, as a difference to coaching, the schema dynamic programmer may offer his/her opinion, contradict the client and give advice if necessary. The schema dynamic programmer is focused on practical exercises and homework which require a solid amount of effort (emotional, and even physical and logistic) from the client. This work is both oriented to the past and the future and it does not accept the personality of the client as a given, but as a starting point in the work done, which is a mere effect of life experiences and environment and may be subject to change.

Using this strategic approach, with the appropriate approach, issues such as introversion, panic attacks, PTSD, psychosomatization, phobias, alixitimy, allergies, emotional stress response, abandonment, mistrust, emotional deprivation, entitlement, abandonment and others (to name just a few) can be completely and ultimately removed and replaced with functional systems within the subconscious and the conscious.

As a set of tools oriented towards professional growth, SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) can provide clients with life-changing experiences which enable them to advance in the Spiral Dynamics model within months (in stead of years) and achieve professional and personal benefits such as:

  • job and career change and performance;

  • happy marriages;

  • increased revenues;

  • status change.

SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) focuses, as ST (schema therapy) does as well, on both emotional and cognitive-rational aspects of the change, but where ST (schema therapy) insists on working with modes (especially considering the psychiatric interventions), SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) insists on working with metaprograms. Where ST (schema therapy) insists on working with imagery, SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) has its own, much more effective and advanced process, designed by its founder. Such processes are similar to several NLP techniques but different from all of them, and it does not necessarily involve trance/hypnosis. NLP is also more focused on fast solving of the surface issues, which may work in alleviating effects but not always causes. For example, a metaprogram change can be successful for a healthy adult, but may be undone if at the root of the metaprogram change there is a maladaptive schema caused by an abusive trauma from the past.

Where ST (schema therapy) insists on analysis, SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) insists on homework and delegating as much of the change work to the client, once (s)he earns the skills and learns the processes a model for personal change. While psychotherapy generally insists on the necessity of the process being administered by a state-approved specialist, the SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) processes can be easy, independently learned and applied by each client, provided (s)he has the appropriate personality and skills inclinations. In this sense, SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) is nearer to coaching. While the client is encouraged to use for the self some of the processes, (s)he is not encouraged to become a schema dynamic programmer with other people without proper supervision.

Spiral Dynamics offers a deep conceptual framework which many of the psychologists and psychiatrists are not aware of and not even most of the coaches. On this foundation, an important SDP premise is that almost any NLP-type process can be run, focusing on developing skills and attitudes, once the maladaptive schemas have started to change in intensity. Thus, Spiral Dynamics offers not only a strategic measuring tool, but also a chart, a map of transformations, a clear direction of development once the client is freed from many of the startling issues and also some tools, for most advanced knowledge.

 

A unified theory of personality psychology

For several decades, clinical psychology and organizational or positive psychology have insisted on different aspects of the human psyche:

  • interpreting the past (retrospection) vs predicting the future (prospection);

  • problems vs. goals;

  • why vs. how;

  • reflective analysis vs. active experience (exercise);

  • addictions vs virtues;

  • learning vs. growing;

  • abstract vs. concrete;

  • personal vs. professional;

  • body vs. mind;

  • solving vs. developing;

  • issues vs. potential;

  • negative vs. positive;

  • mistakes vs. performance;

  • comprehension vs. action;

  • reparation vs. fine-tuning performance;

  • emotions vs. reason;

  • awareness for insight vs. awareness for decision/action;

  • static vs. dynamic; 

  • treating vs training;

  • obstacles vs resources’

  • linear thinking (Aristotelian) vs. systemic thinking (non-Aristotelian);

  • diffusiveness vs. focus;

  • deliberate slowness vs. witty quickness;

  • cautious desurgency vs. exuberant surgency;

  • relationship vs. task;

  • pain vs. excitement;

  • long term vs. medium/short term;

  • acceptance vs. change;

  • diagnosis vs. enhancement;

  • tense strictness vs. moderate willingness;

  • guiding vs. directing;

  • assessment vs. evaluation;

  • teaching vs. knowing;

  • floating vs. flying

and so on.

 

Differentiating for the future

SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) is not the only mixed approach available. It may even not be the best. But it works, and it will be tested of how well it works in comparison to any of the separate components to which it is compared.

SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) is being developed by Ștefan Alexandrescu as a groundbreaking new field with its own applications and is NOT in direct competition with ST (schema therapy), Spiral Dynamics and NLP. It is important that this field would support the development and most especially, the research of these 3 original fields, on which it is grounded. It is not intended as a substitute, but as an alternative, as an enhancer, as a continuation, as it is different from all of the above mentioned.

However, SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) does clearly enter in competition with:

  • regular psychotherapy

  • coaching

Regular psychotherapists and coaches which lack skills and knowledge in all of these three fields are not accredited, nor advised, nor recommended to clients. As SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) is a practical field, the researchers are challenged to devise experimental tests and projects to compare the effectiveness of SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) with either regular psychotherapy and coaching. SDP (Schema Dynamics Programming) is simply different and superior, through techniques, skills and results to regular psychotherapy and coaching. This is not a marketing statement, it is simply a reflection of the reality, based on the obtained. And it’s getting better and better, steady and slowly.

People who are interested in learning these skills are advised to contact Ștefan Alexandrescu directly.

The theoretical component of Schema Dynamics Programming also integrates models from transactional analysis, positive psychology, multiple intelligences, motivational psychology and from landmark specialists such as Jeffrey Young, Clare Graves, Abraham Maslow, Robert Dilts, Anthony Robbins, David McClelland, W. Gerrod Parrot, Robert Plutchick, Brian Tracy (correlating research to be determined) and could be correlated in the future with several other theories. You may download here a synthesis pdf.

Copyright © Ștefan Alexandrescu, 2017. None of the contents of this page can be reproduced without the written express consent of Ștefan Alexandrescu. No exceptions allowed.

If you liked this article, please also read this:

Schema Dynamics Programming with Stefan Alexandrescu (25.12.2016)

How to Live a Perfect Life. Part I. (31.10.2017)

How to Live a Perfect Life, part II. The First 4 Out of 12 Steps, In the Right Order (13.11.2016)

How to Live a Perfect Life, part III. Steps 5-8 Out of 12, In the Right Order (17.11.2016)

How to Live a Perfect Life, Last Part. Steps 9-12 Out of 12, In the Right Order (21.11.2016)

PS: Thanks to Diana Andreea Bădrăgan.

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Schema Dynamics Programming with Stefan Alexandrescu

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 25/12/2016


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Psychologists have worked for more than 100 years in order to find explanations for how the human mind and personality works, to heal the problems hidden deep inside of us. Personal development fields such as neuro-linguistic programming and transactional analysis have come up with effective and efficient solutions for breakthrough to success. Clinical psychology and development of excellence have been long time separated. Now there is a possibility to unite the best of both world: heal the suffering mind and personality and drive it to success and performance.

Questions for you

  • How would it be for you to find out what holds you back to access your full potential and succeed?

  • How can you confront, heal and solve your traumas?

  • Do you want to find the deep psychological and emotional roots of your problems?

  • Are you ready to confront a profound truth about who you are and and how to get yourself out of your way?

  • Have you implemented powerful changes using fields such as psychotherapy, coaching, personal development consulting but only up to one point?

If your answer to any of these questions is “YES”, then this will interest you.

Please read the following lines, as the world they open up might amazingly transform your life!

A revolutionary approach

My name is Ștefan Alexandrescu and I worked one on one with hundreds of customers since 2004. I have always been interested in finding out why some of the people who came to me for various problems or goals succeeded after just 2-3 sessions and some needed tens of sessions. Now I found out and everything else I knew fitted in like a puzzle.

The key I was missing was offered to my by schema therapy, but I found something even better. Using advanced techniques that I tested and developed in working with clients, I have found out what some might call ”the Holy Grail” of psychology and personal development. I have developed an integrative approach using schema therapy conceptualization and homework, Spiral Dynamics theory, NLP techniques and various correlations with other psychological theories that is unique.

Answers for you

I have so far worked with 6 customers in 2016 and after tens of individual sessions I have come to some amazing results.

  • Do you also want to know and deeply understand how your personality works inside out?

  • Do you also wish to unveil the deepest roots of all your sidetracks that cover your potential?

  • Do you want to set your path straight to a powerful future that will fulfill your goals and talents?

  • Do you also want to embark on a journey confronting all the fears, limiting beliefs, uncovered traumas and inner conflicts in order to break through of them?

  • Do you want to find out what has been keeping you from becoming who you were meant to be?

If your answer to any of these questions is “yes”, then please keep reading, because I am going to present you how and what.

The questionnaires

The first thing you need to do is to complete several tests (psychometric questionnaires), totaling a few hundreds of questions. These will require a lot of concentration and a state of introspection. Based on your answers at those questions, you will have to send me the results and I will calculate your scores, make a few correlations and offer you a free evaluation.

When we meet, either face to face or through Skype, the evaluation must be done with the results open (all the Excel and PDF files), so that you have a full understanding of how the model of interpretation works for you.

The tests I will give you will have identified a detailed list of:

  • your strong points, in skills, talents and personality traits

  • your main weak points, that hold you down from reaching higher goals

  • how these are correlated with your experience and manifestations

These tests work within the correlations between various theories from NLP, transactional analysis, Spiral Dynamics, schema therapy and classical psychology.

The tests can be done for free in a variety of forms. The first consulting session of brief, general interpretation of these profiles is provided fully free of charge, with no strings attached. If you decide that you want to start a journey of deep transformation, a program tailored specifically for your needs awaits you. The program is designed to be flexible and very efficient. It will require time, money and effort, but I promise you it will be one of the best investments you have ever done in your life if you choose to go through it.

You have now the chance to be part of the second wave of clients using this integrated approach between personal development for excellence and clinical psychology. This has already provided amazing results for clients in just a matter of months! Please inquire further if you want to know more about the consulting activity of Stefan Alexandrescu in 2016.

This isn’t for you if:

  • you cannot allocate at least 2 hour/week or 1 hour/week for the consulting session and at least 3-4 times more for homework (journals, letters, goal formulations, lists, questionnaires)

  • you think 50 euros/hour for a program that can change your life in a few months is too much

  • you are afraid to confront yourself, discover yourself in depth

  • you don’t care about what happens to you in the future

  • it’s OK to postpone your goals, happiness, fulfillment or healing time and again

  • you don’t have the discipline to invest the efforts into your development

with the likely results that:

  • you will try to fix surface issues (effects) which will appear in your life in various ways, with little chance to approach the deep roots

  • you will try to fix behaviors (effects) in stead of beliefs, emotions and experiences (causes)

  • the problems will cost you more than solving them

  • feel this sounds great, but you don’t have a few hours to complete the questionnaires

This is a difficult and challenging process. Not everyone is up for it. Are you ready? I can promise you this:

  • you will unveil painful memories

  • you will understand the mechanisms of faulty behaviors that endanger your life as you know it

  • you will experience intense negative emotions

  • you will feel disappointed towards people in your life

  • you might try to find excuses to interrupt the process

with the likely effect that in the end:

  • you will have deep insights

  • you will be able to choose in the present what is appropriate for you

  • you will understand and accept yourself and others

  • you will experience the power of forgiveness

  • you will train the skills you need to perform

  • you will become a better parent

  • you will be able to heal deep wounds in the past that restrain you from being yourself.

Start now!

The first steps are to get in touch with me, receive the questionnaires, complete them, let me score them and receive your free evaluation!

Find out more! Get in touch NOW! This is for you!

Ștefan Alexandrescu

0040 729 034 883

stefan [dot] alexandrescu [at] yahoo ]dot] com

Copyright © Ștefan Alexandrescu, 2016

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13 Hints – How to Separate Value from Mind Bugging In Webinars

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 26/11/2016

In the past years, putting together the increase of internet bandwidth supporting high definition instant live video streaming, the increasing capacities of server streaming for thousands of people, together with the price falling for hardware technology, internet access (even on mobile devices) and data centers services, more and more learning companies develop business models centered on webinars in multiple formats which promise to deliver some free information to the watchers/listeners and some sort of attractive special offer.

In my experience, such webinars can be somewhere between money-making & life changing to an utter waste of time listening to some charlatan’s bogus.

There are certain programs which facilitate access to various learning workshops providing practical blueprints with videos, audios, workbooks, transcripts, forms, procedures, tables and so on.

webinar

Of course, many people might be convinced to spend some time with these stuff, but I’m going to give you some suggestions about how to not lose too much time with this stuff while also getting most out of such opportunities. What you might not know about most of these:

  1. Most webinars are promised to last a certain amount of time. They usually last double, but if you stay till the end, you may find the real offer with special discount.
  2. Very many of the programs offered for hundreds of dollars can be found on the same website with a special significant discount, such just a few tens of dollars or even just 1 $. Of course, if you don’t know how to look for it or don’t at least try to close the page and see if you are tempted in that moment with a lower offer, you get taxed more. For example, I participated in a webinar where they were selling a course for 279$ and I found it at 1 $ while browsing on the web for it during the webinar. Another program was being offered at 999 $ and was later offered for 50 $ after a month for those who didn’t buy it initially.
  3. Some of what you learn can really make you a lot of money and change your life, IF you apply those things. But, basically, when you subscribe to a webinar you find out that there’s about 80% promotion and 20 % content because a webinar is essentially a 2-3 hour-commercial
  4. If you subscribed for the webinar and bothered appearing just for 5 minutes, most trainers will send you the replay to watch/listen whenever you want to, like for example on your dumbphone. This is a very good and practical idea especially if you are not convinced you want to buy whatever that person is selling you. In the same time, it must be said that by doing so, you are guaranteed to miss the time-limited offer at the end of the webinar.
  5. Theoretically, you have the opportunity to ask some questions during the live webinar, but there are chances that from thousands of people attending and hundreds asking questions, yours wouldn’t be answered unless they are very good and posted multiple times or by different people.
  6. Many of them have nothing to do with the advertised subject, they are just a bunch of shitty hocus-pocus new age mindbabble since the time of “The Secret”. I though people grew up and overcame that fashion, but apparently there are still thousands of suckers hoarding in thinking that through visualization they are going to mind-bend the universe.
  7. The most practical things I found are the entrepreneurship, marketing and social media oriented contents which practically show you how to organize business around consulting and training. I suggest you take some of those things, apply them and share them with your customers.
  8. When the topic is not oriented on something concrete about business or sales, there are some things to be taken from the amount of psychobabble, but it must be clearly discerned and that takes very much time. So be prepared to take some notes and not get bored with the rest of the content which might be confusing or useless. Watching/listening to a webinar DOES require some present and active knowledge about the topic, otherwise you might just believe everything the presenter is telling, which in most cases can be very dangerous.
  9. All the payments must also be done through PayPal or ClickBank. If the page you are directed to only obligates you to buy with your card, something might be wrong. Before deciding to buy, check the name of the program being advertised together with “scam”, “fraud” or “hoax” together. See what you find. Some of these stuff are just pyramidal schemes, working on the principle: step 1. give something small and valuable step 2. make people think there is more 3. repeat steps 1 &2 indefinitely until the buyers run out of money.
  10. If you are smart and know a little bit more about the subject, you can implement some valuable ideas without buying the whole program. Or you could use the presentation as a model and learn from the selling skills of the presenter and use them in your own experience.
  11. Whatever the topic of interest is, you may find free recorded and valuable webinars on video.google.com . Also, look for similar topics in MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses). You might get a similar or better content for free. Find some MOOCs appropriate for you searching on customized keywords here: https://www.mooc-list.com/
  12. The most serious and well-planned online trainings do offer the access to a closed community, usually on Facebook, where you can interact with other participants and with trainers, ask questions and create business opportunities. I think this is one of the most important features, if you have time to access it.
  13. Find out if there is a return policy. Usually, there is something like if you don’t like what you find, you get a full or a partial refund in 7 or 10 days, so hurry up and check if you like what you found. If not, get your money back! Usually, the process takes a few days, so don’t last until the last days, because even if you send the request within time, if it’s not process you might lose the money you want to get back. Some companies retain something like 10-15 % for comission processing or stuff like that, some reimburse you the full payment. Also, don’t use this loophole to abuse the system! If the content is truly helpful, respect the work and pay the money.

Stefan Alexandrescu

consultant in personal and professional development

0040 729 034 883

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How to Live a Perfect Life, Last Part. Steps 9-12 Out of 12, In the Right Order

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 21/11/2016

 

Part I

Part II

Part III

 stepping-stones-pixabay

9. Set rewarding excellence goals and become the best in your business

It seems that there have been many steps until here, but all your efforts will be completely rewarded. Definitely, you can only become the best in your job, organization, niche or business if you have managed to confront the typical problems swifter and effective, if you have delivered on the goals you have trained with until now and have acquired top skills that put you in front of the game of others.

I’m referring to vision and strategy: working smart for the right reasons can help you identify the 20% that bring the 80%. Now, your goals have to be daring, bold to make you control the autonomy and true independence that will make a dent and leave your name in the history. Only after you have tested and followed the whole system inside out, you can replicate it for profit at a higher scale. Take into account all the lessons, all the motivations, take a calculated risk and “shoot for the moon”! Do it again and again, be the best and work smart to stay there! You truly deserve to celebrate especially when you bring this achievement to reality after pragmatically testing options for success. Failing to do this earlier might sidetrack your efforts, take longer or bring stepbacks you can’t face on your own. Coaching is a must at this level. Modeling and mentoring also definitely works. Also, niche-specific training and skills-related training can benefit you for what you need/want here.

At this level of excellence, you also have to improve the skill of seeking, connecting and networking within groups of professionals sharing similar preoccupations, abilities and personality preferences, in order to continue to grow, learn and excel through the power of communities (see more further).

 

10. Find people who share your vision and values

Very likely, until this point of excellence, you’ve worked within teams, or in proximity or in collaboration with other people in your life experience. At a certain point, you decide to let go of unfulfilled expectations, go with the flow and get social, not only for business networking, but as well for deeper human connection.

Of course, it’s not about connecting with people who have been put there by someone else or by random design (like in school or in a company where you were hired). It’s about connecting with people you can actually test and recognize as having approximately similar values, visions and experiences.

After each of you have had your successful experiences, you can get together to share your wisdom, learn one from the other and create a win-win-win community. Trying to do so earlier implies the risks of having your good intentions work for somebody else’s individual limited benefit, or mistaking you illusions/expectations for reality, or mistaking a functioning system for a community.

You can prepare for this step by joining and working with/for people who have a track record of creating both individual success based on strategy and team success bases on collaboration. Volunteering for a cause you cherish can also be helpful in opening up new horizons of harmony in the human experience. Just find some people who are already doing or thinking what you like and give them a hand! Other ideas: personal development thematic groups, periodical skills-based training within a community.

In order to fully enjoy this level of development, it is necessary to develop close personal and professional relationships with others. In these instances, it must be OK to share warmth, caring, attention, empathy, protection (strength, guidance, direction), disclosure and listening. Why? For the purpose of creating a harmonic team that works for everyone, which can bring consensual guiding for each interested, for long term. This is what deep social interaction can mean when people live and act for the causes they share.

 

11. Learn more outside of your area of expertise

Hopefully, there come a time when, after years and years, you can not only be the best in your niche, but you can do it quite effortlessly, even in your sleep. This is the moment to continue developing your other talents. Learn something new. Get deeper knowledge of your field. Get a new hobby. Enjoy a healthy life. If you feel bored or that it’s time for a big change, consider developing skills for a different field you might be talented in.

This time, integrate all the resources (time, money, people you know, all that you studied) to make the most out of the new learning. In the beginning, it may be a little hard to get used to make more effort to succeed at something (because everything is so easy when you’re an expert), but the more you learned, the easiest it is to learn more, because of the many synapses that are already there and in function.

This step should allow you to find more peace within yourself, without control in the group or of the resources. You may reinvent yourself and succeed in ways you wouldn’t have dreamed of being possible. This can be a great period if associated with having children and becoming a parent, or a grandparent. You can only truly live at this level if you have made profit out of your strategy, you have developed functioning networks of authentic communication with peers and are able to see the bigger picture.

The few experts who can work at this level have the ability to work intuitively with large chunks of information to find patterns, may they be in vocational, professional, personal or recreational areas.

If you decide to succeed in a second or third field later in life, after having success in just one or two professional fields, it will be faster for you. The learning must be tailored to your needs. Please feel free to use consulting, coaching, mentoring, modeling and especially training. If you have truly reached this level, you already know how important that is and how to use such services.

 

12. Redefine the purpose of your life as having a higher meaning

At some moment, each of us searches and sometimes finds the meaning of life. There are plenty of answers, but usually people find a religious meaning, which is connected with having an impact beyond the material world.

Of course, at several points in your existence, the meaning of life can be defined as chasing or living your dreams, to seek happiness, to discover and better oneself, becoming the best achievable self. Seeking the wisdom, you will probably redefine the levels at which you can make a contribution, both personally and professionally. But, at a very special moment, preferably before you die, you may allow yourself to truly let go of roles, duties and social expectations.

This is how you can tend to touch perfection through living, only to become aware of how little you know. That’s why your contribution has to stay with the others after you die. A life worth living is a life that you would find hard to leave from or give up. The true inner benefit of others, making the difference through what you do, say and inspire, is what starts guiding your intentions.

You know you can do better and you are grateful for the chance to act justly and wise, love and give unconditionally. Reaching this, you have found the beauty and the sorrow in your life: you have now started to get the hugeness of the human spirit, the bearing on your deeds and the shortness of life. It’s worth talking about this with a priest. I have personally found the meaning of life in Orthodox Christianity. I have the rest of my life to live it by rediscovering it in my existence, though applying what I have found.

 

Some final thoughts

I haven’t done all of these steps in this order, but at least now I found the tools that can connect them logically, structurally and scientifically. There is a moment in some lives when everything comes to a circle. You get the final piece of the puzzle, although I’m afraid most people don’t really live this sensation.

Now I am ready for rebooting my journey, faster and together with those who want to experience what I’ve written about here. Often times, when we are confronted with a problem, we don’t quite know what’s the map of that problem, what are its roots and especially, what might be the solutions. Although I don’t have solutions in consulting, theories in learning and questions in coaching for all the possible problems, it’s very likely I know where you are and how to support you to get not only where you want to go, but where you need to go. Blow away your inner obstacles and become who you were meant to be!

I am doing this because I am here to serve you, not to please you. Now you know the truth. Act on it! Change your life now! Follow the steps I have set for you in this article and become part of my life journey! Let’s put some wind in your sails!

 

PS: Thanks to Corina Andreea Popa for the practical suggestions and feed-back on this article before publishing.

Ștefan Alexandrescu

professional development consultant, trainer and coach

0040 729 034 883

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How to Live a Perfect Life, part III. Steps 5-8 Out of 12, In the Right Order

Posted by Ştefan Alexandrescu on 17/11/2016

I started writing last month a new series of articles, out of which I am now publishing part 3 of 4. You may read part I here. and part II here.

 

5. Prioritize in working with the appropriate limits.

If you have a problem, put to practice the opposite (go to goal). If you have too little options, get creative. If you have too many, reduce them. If you get overwhelmed, get some distance. Find the cause and get a right tool to move on! Still, in stead of getting the appropriate internal and external resources, some people self-sabotage themselves in starting with the easiest or the toughest thing, mislabeling the importance or the urgency of some issues. Thus, they manage to overwhelm themselves and get stuck.This can be done with the positive intention of feeling good for accomplishing some work, but this intention can be better served by learning to chunk the learning and the changing work in appropriate milestones for each.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, healing can’t be done in a session, brilliance doesn’t come over night and genius doesn’t (usually) knock on your door. Learn to take what you have/want to do step by step, bit by bit and learn how to plan and evaluate what you’ve done by establishing training and development goals. This is the kind of inner work that will later bring great external results that show in time and last. Some people might notice your efforts. Most might not. But you are doing it for yourself. If you can’t manage in prioritizing, get at least 1-2 sessions from a consultant, coach or career counselor. It saves you at least 10 times the money you pay for it. The keys here are balance and comparing oneself with the own better version, not others. Different people have different limits and they shouldn’t be (too harshly) punished for it.

 

6. Express yourself through your talent(s) in the appropriate environment.

Let’s say you discovered your weak and strong points (like I’ve written here), you worked on some of the major issues and had some experiences working through homework, projects, trials and volunteering putting to practice what you’ve efficiently learned theoretically. This is the moment when you may choose whether you start working for non-profit, get hired, freelance, create a business as an entrepreneur or invest, and in what precisely.

It is appropriate in this stage to find the right place for yourself inside an existing system, that you will learn for a few years inside out. This is your road of taking the chance to become a specialist: the right person in the right place. If you want a job, you have to search for a right one, to prepare for it, to hunt it and to give it your best shot, in the best organization you possibly can.

Your chances can be highly influenced by what you accomplished in the previous steps and sometimes that doesn’t matter at all. What matters here is to get, besides the job content-related skills, also the labor market general skills (such as personal branding, time management, copywriting), the technological skills (software and hardware) and the right procedures to integrate your work with already functioning procedures, procedures, standards and criteria.

You have to accept you have limited control over a system you’re learning and that you have to go through all (or most) of it before trying to change it. First, you accept, then you can work with what you’ve got and make the best of it. If you are able to put first your long term goals even if it means being payed less, that might well be on your path to professional success and personal fulfillment. Even if you get started as a freelancer or an entrepreneur, you have to use the system you learned to get recognition, experience and the beginning in your success. Here you need mentoring, modeling, coaching, or consulting. Labor market skills specifically related training also can make a great difference.

This is the time to explore, express, drive and develop your own unconscious resources and structures in directions, fields, positions, roles through appreciated differentiation, testing and respecting boundaries between self and others. Allow yourself now to quest for abundance through scalability and strategically develop performance in competition with similar and special other individuals. Each person has talents. May each of them work best at what they wisely choose!

 

 

7. Get resources and make choices to increase your freedom

We are almost halfway on this road of personal and professional development and fulfillment. Right about now, many people stumble and try to compensate what they didn’t have earlier in life. This is a “perfect” time to make life-ruining decisions by getting into debt, choosing the wrong life partner, wasting time indulging in distractions, buying useless toys or spending more than you can make. Usually, the material success comes after years of trials and errors, hard work of making the best of your opportunities. In the beginning, it might not be as you expected, and you career might not be on the straight-up arrow you hoped (hallucinated). But the success is closer than you think.

If at this point you stay satisfied by earning a fixed income no matter how much you work and don’t save much, chances are you won’t ever break out of this financial vicious circle. Of course, one of the labor market related skills I was writing about in the previous points is financial intelligence (that is, if you haven’t learned it until college). Getting resources means making more than you spend, saving up or investing the difference, so that you have profit, not debt. Based on your choices, you can increase, maintain or decrease your freedom. In this step, increasing financial intelligence through personal study, consulting and training or even coaching definitely counts. This is an appropriate moment to get aware that you can’t do everything and delegate what you can afford and don’t know too well/like too much. You may also use this tool.

 

8. Let live and let go. Forgive yourself and others.

You’re not perfect. If you’ve gone through years of study and practice, it’s likely that you’ve had your failures and successes, hopefully more successes. But you have been confronting your limits, and you know each person has them. Now, after gearing yourself in the right field, the right place, the right tools, the right environment, forget about how you were affected by what didn’t work and keep just the good things and the knowledge from the previous failures, especially those which you might initially blame on others.

Now you are responsible for what happens in your life, meaning that you have the power to change. You can be a compassionate, level-headed adult. So forgive others who didn’t have your resources, your vision, your “map”. Now you do and you deserve to be a model. You know you are responsible to improve yourself, just like others are for themselves.

This might be a good moment, if you haven’t, until now, to cut some bad ties and to heal some old ones, given that it’s possible. You can’t change the past and you can’t change others. The others are responsible for themselves.You are responsible for yourself. Ask forgiveness from those you have wronged.

You may be free to decide who to become and where to go from now on. Learn to love the ones who have hurt you and separate their behavior from their identities once and for all. Your heart is full. They can’t hurt you anymore. If you have trouble with that, get some help from a psychotherapist or a very good NLP practitioner. If it helps you, write about your emotions. Express yourself authentically while becoming a better version of yourself. It’s also helpful to create a gratefulness list (to which people do you thank and why).

 

 

Your road continues from here. Read on next week!

PS: Thanks to Corina Andreea Popa for the practical suggestions and feed-back on this article before publishing.

Ștefan Alexandrescu

professional development consultant, trainer and coach

0040 729 034 883

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