Every January much is written about personal development and meeting one’s goals: what to do, how to do it and how to color your lists of resolutions. Aftert two months of the year, everyone has returned to their senses: those who have written down resolutions to forget them have returned to their favorite activities, and those who have started to reach their goals should already have about 15% of the results ready, in proportion to the time of the year that has elapsed. Sound about right as a perspective.
Well, this year I have an article about what NOT to set. Of course, in my opinion, and from my experience. Well set in the middle of January, after everyone who had goals to set has already set them and so went through the enthusiastic euphoria.
In no way do I want to claim that I am a successful man, nor that what I write here should be a rule of life. Precisely because these are my subjective opinions, I generally preferred to formulate in the first person.
It is often spoken about what is important to each: what the values, principles, priorities are. Well, today, I plan to write twice about a less common subject. The first time, because I write about myself and the second time because it is about what does NOT characterize me. Also, since the article is rather long, I divided it into two: the first part today, and the second part towards the end of this month.
If you think money is missing from this list, it is because I have already published two articles on how to make easy money by working a little. You can read them here and here. Now, if you like to believe that money is enough or most important for success, you can stop reading this article, because it’s not for you. You’re not in the targeted audience. Come on, close the webpage! If you think that money is the fundamental factor for success in life, then you don’t deserve to read this article which deals personally about my beliefs!
If, however, you have not closed the webpage and stayed to read, then you must promise me that you will read it carefully and considerately. And part II.
WHAT I THINK THAT DOES NOT MATTER to BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE
1. Not to be laughed at, especially for the mistakes made in public.
Throughout my life, I have been humiliated in public many times, but, I don’t know how, an idea came to me, according to which it is a shame for me to be laughed at only if it is for a reason that matters to me. If, for example, I delivered a bad or absurd speech, but from which I learned something, I consider it is a win for me. If someone wrote something bad about me, for example in an article, then I try to understand where I went wrong and what I can do to fix it. However, if I’m attacked for a cause I believe in, this doesn’t seem shameful to me. If someone has spoken badly about me and is right, then I assume that. If he is not right, then I am not interested, unless he is a friend who spoke behind my back (and this has only happened to me two or three times in my life). In general, I am a creative and restless person. As a result, I sometimes say or do crazy things, as everyone does from time to time, without making it a habit – or at least this is what I like to believe. If someone laughs at you for a mistake, remember that, most often, it can also happen to the best of us.
“People occasionally stumble over the truth but most of the times, pick themselves up and keep walking.”
2. The fear of making mistakes
I like to learn from mistakes, but mistakes cost dearly. And since life is too short to learn from one’s own mistakes, it is wise to learn from other people’s mistakes. However, it’s OK to also make mistakes. He who does not work does not make mistakes. Anything worth doing is worth doing initially less perfect, in my opinion, until you learn. Mistakes happen. I am willing to learn from everything and forgive everything!
I have many ideas and I like to try them. Some work, some don’t. Sometimes success occurs according to the principle “shoot at a pigeon and kill a crow,” as proof of the fact that you don’t know what the client wants, but the client knows better what he wants. And if I want to have an eye for business opportunities, it is enough for me to note where there is dissatisfaction for a beneficiary. Wherever there is dissatisfaction or frustration, it is room for business.
When I look at my past failures, I like to use them as starting points: if I learned something from them, it means I haven’t lost everything. When I make a mistake, I lose only if I also lose the lesson from that mistake.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”
3. The fear of criticism
Criticism is welcome when it can be used and is intended for the purpose of improvement. I don’t want to dwell on the difference between criticism and feedback here. I just want to say that, from my experience, as soon as criticism ceases, it means that I did something very bad… and this is precisely the time when I need criticism the most! A successful man is one who has built himself also using the stones which had been thrown at him. (Excessive) sensitivity does not belong with the desire to learn, because if I want to learn, then it is good to put sensitivity aside. Of course, I’m not saying that I have to accept to become the runt of the litter to be accepted or to learn. I wrote another useful article on negative feedback.
Romanians are very much into criticizing and observing the problems of others. However, when it comes to criticizing oneself or bearing another person’s criticisms, one can find that one feels more lenient with one’s misery than with the misery of others. As for fear, I have come to the conclusion that I have to get used to it in life; it is not like it will ever end, even if I have courage.
”The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the holy ones is understanding.”
”God does not judge the man who judges himself.”
4. To be liked by others.
In general, I have not been very interested in what most people think of me, because I learned even before finishing high school the meaning of “target audience”. I cannot communicate with everyone; I cannot do something for everyone. In fact, there is a small number of people who are interested in what I communicate, and these are usually my clients, those close to me and my potential buyers. The rest of the world just doesn’t interest me. In general, people who are not interested in developing and growing, are of no interest to me. I avoid them. I am not interested in integrating myself anywhere, although I managed to integrate myself, when I planned to, even in environments that had values opposite to those in which I believed.
As far back as college, I have chosen my personal, social and professional entourages in a rather demanding way: people from whom I have a lot to learn AND who are willing to learn. In college, during my master’s degree studies and several courses I attended, I “squeezed like a lemon” many teachers and trainers, “stealing” their trade, asking for their knowledge, availability and collaboration, firing so many questions at them, that I was often thrown out from different circles or failed at exams and every time (when I thought it was worth it) I would go back and win – especially in college.
There have also been, over time, some people whom I threatened to sue and others who threatened to sue me – even if it never came to court. So I don’t necessarily consider myself a “nice guy”, but a rather sharp and cold guy. However, I have found that many people consider me to be friendly, sociable, available, a good listener, polite, “decent”, that is, as I like to be, but cannot – and don’t even intend to – with everyone. From year to year, I have made more and more friends. May the Lord help me keep those I have and make others!
“A sure way to be unhappy is to try to please everybody.”
I believe that there are two major fears about the expectations of others and both relate to the fear of not having loved enough: the fear of not rising to one’s expectations and the fear of not exceeding them. I had both. And I am over them. God knows how!
5. Not to be alone.
In general, I consider that I am not really alone, because there is God in the Holy Trinity and I am protected every day by my guardian angel. Besides that, I learned as early as gymnasium that “you feel the most alone among people” (Carl Sagan). In general, in my life, I haven’t had many romantic relationships and I realized that, to some extent, this may be OK. However, I find it the most important not to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. And a wrong reason for a relationship is the fear of not being alone, in my opinion, – especially during this time.
“Most misfortunes in life happen because a man is unable to sit alone in a little room with his thoughts.”
I don’t have anything against sentimental relationships and because I appreciate such a connection, I want to approach it with the necessary respect and responsibility, when appropriate. What I want to express is that it seems important to me why someone wants a relationship. Some are simply not enough. And when the foundation is unstable, the building cannot last.
If you liked this article, then I also recommend you 32 pieces of advice: how to have a successful failure? by Marian Rujoiu
Happy personal development!
Personal and professional development consultant
Copyright © Marcus Victor Grant 2014-present Translation by Cristiana Brezeanu of the article “10 lucruri care NU cred că sunt IMPORTANTE pentru SUCCESUL în viaţă. Partea I “ published initially by Marcus Victor Grant in Romanian on the 23rd of February 2014 on Discerne. Copyright © Marcus Victor Grant, all rights reserved.
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