What I Wish You, Discerning Woman

What I wish you, contemporary woman, celebrated today:

Stop and look in the mirror, into your eyes, stop the train of your thoughts, and only feel what your eyes tell you. If your eyes are conveying a positive emotion, then this is what others will also perceive. If your eyes don’t get a positive emotion, then there’s no point in putting any makeup on. Actually, most might appreciate you for your naturalness. But you already know that.

If you are a woman whose beauty is praised by men, you will have to work twice as hard to prove that you are also intelligent, so there’s no point in getting angry over this. Instead, take it as a challenge and choose the people who hang out with you for how you think, not for how you look. I wish you the best in finding as many people of this type as possible. And if you don’t like how you think, I want you to hang out with people whose inner beauty you praise. If you are patient with them, some might show you wisdom.

I once had a female personal development client who asked me: “if I have more self-confidence, does this mean that I will also be more responsible?”. Remember that it is in your power to lead your own life; after all, the more independent you are, the more consequences you bear. So be confident that, if you also have a significant amount of responsibility, it is worth going on trusting your decisions. I wish you responsible confidence!

If you like to be slender, remember that studies have shown that men do not have the standards to be found in glossy magazines. Actually, men don’t really read them. Those women’s magazines always contain advertisements meant to sell you products and services.

Women are more important consumers than men because they shop more often and influence men’s buying decisions. And of course, because many men buy presents for women. Remember that if you are put on a pedestal, it is a good idea to ask yourself whether that is the pedestal meant for you and if there is something for you to do there. Your destination might be a different one. And it is even harder to get to the top of a mountain if you are already on the top of another mountain.

Women are leading an emancipation fight because, statistically speaking, it is more difficult for a woman to get a leading position and reach a man’s social status professionally. But, at the same time, remember that, as there is a masked fight against femininity, men are also the subject of a hidden battle against masculinity.

If you like to learn, I wish you great success in improving your feedback-receiving abilities. Feminine sensitivity is an important quality that is worth preserving. And, like all qualities, it becomes a flaw when it is exaggerated (hypersensitivity). On the other hand, if you like honest people and wish not to be lied to, I want you to become open about elegantly asking for and receiving feedback, especially regarding your flaws. As for non-elegant feedback, the art of intelligently treating others, even when you are unintelligently treated, will overshadow any shortcomings you might have because it often matters how you react to a mistake rather than the mistake itself.

If you wish to become wise, I want you to enjoy reading books based on reality, such as those which contain the life experience of people you could learn from and those based on research. I wish to meet people you could learn from and, more importantly, enough people who would be good professionals, especially in research. Thus, I want to you to read more research and fewer tabloids or articles “on research” written by incompetent journalists. Suppose you want your life not to be included in one of the unfortunate statistics you hear about. In that case, I wish you to embrace the idea of learning from the experience of others, not only by relating to your circle of acquaintances.

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Amalia Savinescu, a professional model. Photo copyright (C) Cristian Magheru

Amalia Savinescu, a professional model. Photo copyright (C) Cristian Magheru

If you wish to be respected professionally, I hope you good luck in becoming a professional as well as possible in your area of expertise and developing your personal brand. Furthermore, I wish you to excel at the discipline you wish from others and use your high standards to be a model employing your presence and actions, not through the words you use in one way or another.

If you wish to feel intelligent, I wish you to take a professional intelligence test (those that you pay a psychologist for, not the free ones you can find on the internet). After you see your intelligence coefficient – which is, most likely, higher than you think – I wish you to feel precisely as intelligent as you are because intelligence has nothing to do with sensibility but with thinking. And who can take note will take note alone that you are intelligent without proving it. Consequently, if you are nervous about your intelligence, I wish you to calm down. The only person qualified to express their opinion about your intelligence is a psychologist, and only after (s) has he run an intelligence test.

If you want to trust people and for them to trust you, then I wish you a lot of success in giving up prejudices and especially suppositions. I want a world with more women knowing how to ask questions. The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask. If you ask the wrong questions, you will get the wrong answers.

The woman is a flower, and she must be protected. Because she is sensitive, she can easily hurt, even when she doesn’t show it. Violence against women must not be toleratedhere, I mean not only physical violence. At the same time, a woman’s capacity to endure can be impressive, but this is not necessarily a strong point. If you are subject to physical or verbal abuse, it is wise to ask for specialized help (social security, psychological counseling, police) and not search for Mr. Right. He doesn’t exist. I hope you find a real solution to your problems.

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Ana Treabă Photo copyright (c) Edward Aninaru

Ana Treabă Photo copyright (c) Edward Aninaru

When you still think about Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, remember that these stories have been rewritten by Disney to promote a commercial culture where every woman is a princess who is waiting for her prince. The problem is that, with so many princesses waiting for Prince Charming, there aren’t enough kingdoms. So, if you want to find a man suitable for you, sentimentally, amicably, or professionally, then I wish you a refreshing reality: forget about zodiac signs, superstitions, and fairy tales. Instead, I wish  you to get to know yourself to find out who you are suitable for and with because nobody can tell you this. There is no “the one.” There is no “soul mate.

Most women who imagine that they want romance actually want affection because classical romantic stories don’t have a happy ending but a tragic one (remember “Romeo and Juliet”?). There are, most likely, several men that you were/would be in tune with during several stages of your life. And, speaking of fairy tales, watch the cartoons the little ones are watching! Most of the cartoons could even bewilder you as an adult. Behind many animated films, there are dangerous messages for children, maybe more dangerous than you think. The influence of television on the children of the current generation is more dangerous than it was for your generation.

How Disney movies brainwash children (click photo to enlarge)

If you want to make yourself understood and express yourself, then I wish you to listen. Thus, you will know who to talk to, so you won’t waste your breath.

Suppose you want to have loyalty (irrespective of the context). In that case, I wish you to successfully remain faithful to your principles and values, especially when they are no longer convenient for you. Actually, you ought to write them down, keep them and have a look at them from time to time. They may save years of your life.

If you want to keep yourself in shape and healthy, I wish you to enjoy a pleasant experience as often as possible: climb some mountains to admire the scenery and enjoy the different air. Leave the camera aside and simply breathe and enjoy the moment. Nobody can take away the beautiful experiences you imprint in your memory. Right now, you have a beautiful experience, and you will remember it, even though nobody is taking a picture of you. So, coming back… it’s a good idea to take up a sport or even jogging. Climbing the stairs doesn’t count :). And neither does cleaning the house.

If you like how you look and want to share your image with the world, then I wish you to take a minimum number of photography lessons and sort 10% of your photos of yourself on Facebook. Look at them critically, and think about it: what emotion does that photo convey? Does it show you, as you know, you are in your soul? If yes, then keep it! Remember, pretty please, smile honestly from your heart. I don’t know if somebody will fall in love with your smile or if you will receive likes on Facebook, but you might brighten up somebody’s day without knowing it. It is worth hiring a personal branding consultant and/or a photographer who would help you with the way you promote your image. It might be an investment 10 times better than the makeup, eyeshadow and clothes for a whole year.

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I wish you to ask your close ones (family, friends, boyfriend, husband) and those who love you to take pictures of you. Thus, you will have your most beautiful face because anybody adores looking at a loving woman.

I wish you to find more time for praying instead of meditation or running around. Praying gives you peace, offers you help, and reminds you that you cannot achieve much without God. If, at a particular time, you have moved away from Him or you became upset for some reason, a useful idea could be that, probably, God is not as you imagine Him to be. And even if you don’t want to talk to Him, you can pray to His saints. You don’t have to buy a prayer list nowadays – you can find them all on the internet. If you don’t know how to pray, read here. If you don’t want to pray for yourself or somebody, in particular, pray for everybody. Pray even if you’re an atheist!

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People must believe that there is something beyond death, a dimension of their existence beyond physical reality. But, if you don’t believe in God, I wish you to find meaning in life.

If you have a dream, a plan, a wish, or a goal, then I wish you to achieve it if this is really the most helpful thing for you and others. I wish you to develop your creativity and imagination to find strategic solutions for what you set out to do.

I wish you to be blessed with optimism without falling into the trap of positive thinking, which only exists to brainwash you. You need to work more than you imagine to succeed in what you set out to do. The universe is too busy moving the planets and the other celestial bodies, so don’t bother to ask it for anything. Do you have a copy of the movie The Secret? Did you like it? Well, I wish you, from the bottom of my heart, for your sake, to throw it in the bin and seriously start doing what you set out to do practically.

I wish you to enjoy, feel good, and even have fun in ways that offer you long-time freedom, not only release your tension for the moment or make you addicted.

I wish you to be blessed with as many people as possible who have civil behavior in your daily interactions. Still, I especially want your tolerance and patience for those who don’t practice it. I like to think that your life will be happier if you don’t condition your mental state on the choices of others.

I wish you to inspire others as much as possible to be the opposite of those you criticize and thus support them to be even better, not only make fewer mistakes.

I wish you to discover the values because of which you have conflicts with others. Very often,n the surface, conflicts can occur because of different values or even because of the same values using different means.

I wish you to discover in every man you feel attracted to, in a way, a new opportunity to know yourself and discover what that attraction is telling you about yourself and who else that man reminds you of. Most associations we make with somebody we have just met are based on our past experiences with somebody who resembled them physically, had the same last name, or spoke in a very familiar manner.

I wish you to discover in each person you don’t like a mirror that would tell you precisely what you don’t like about yourself or what is so radically different between you and that person. Thus, interpersonal communication may become intrapersonal communication. This way, I wish you to use your intuition for insights about yourself.

If you got married, I wish you a happy marriage!

If you didn’t… I have several things to tell you. Although many women are badgered, especially by their families, about getting married at around 20-something years old, statistics tell us that women in Romania get married at about 29-30 years old, and in Bucharest, even at 32 years old. Everybody gets married at whatever age they want. If you choose not to get married (yet), you may allow yourself to feel normal. Most likely, it even is normal (statistically). At the same time, I wish you to remember that to live longer and better, studies have shown that it is good for you to get married and even better to have children. So, if you find a suitable person, don’t postpone it too long. It might be too late. You don’t need money, a house, or a career to get married. First of all, you need to love somebody who loves you, that you are in a relationship with, and your families to get along, because – as I know from those who have been through that – before marrying your boyfriend, you marry his parents.

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Andra Mândrilă. Foto copyright: Vlad Gherman

Andra Mândrilă. Photo copyright: Vlad Gherman

I wish you to be a good mother to your children, especially to those that you don’t have yet. Why? Because each child’s education starts as soon as his mother is born. I wish you the chance to become a better model for your children every day so that you would raise them as they want to be raised and as they will later thank you when they are your age.

I wish you to receive your children when you conceive them because the foundation of a future society is maternity, and the greatest fulfillment of a woman is maternity. Remember that no child deserves to be sentenced to death because you are not sure if you can offer them the life you want for them. I wish you to be careful for your health and for your soul with the choices you make regarding the taboo matter called not “sexuality” but “contraception”, about which you’d better read here first before reading glossy magazines.

If you got into the depths of the human personality as I have in my research and evaluation activity (on which the tens of articles on this blog are too few), you would understand in detail how precisely it is actually impossible for two persons to think alike all the time, and even if they had the same values, they are most likely ordered differently. But, most of all, remember that nobody can read your thoughts, especially your mind. And that is OK and normal.

If you wish to compare yourself to somebody, then I wish you to compare yourself to the person you set out to become. Pay attention to Matthew McConaughey’s speech, who won the Oscar in 2014 – I wrote about the entire ceremony here. You cannot be like other women. Other women cannot be like you, either.

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If you don’t know how to act in a situation, then I wish you to act as if your grandmother saw you so that she wouldn’t be ashamed of you. If you acted in public so that your grandmother would be proud of you, I think you would invariably have fewer things to apologize for.

I hope you get to know yourself, understand, accept, and develop. The first person who will benefit from it will be you. This is a guarantee. And, depending on the things you enjoy, you inspire others. That’s what I wish you, and I’d be glad to learn that you did so. What gives you value is beyond what you think. The human soul is essentially so beautiful that if somebody saw it, they would die overwhelmed.

I wish you all those things, and I wish you to also want them. I hope life was kinder to you. But I know it won’t be. Actually, the hardest is yet to come. And you will understand in time that anybody who tells you differently lies. So you’d better be prepared, at least mentally, for whatever might happen without becoming psychotic about it.

If I have bored you with clichés, please forgive me. I have not written anything new. Forward the link to somebody you think doesn’t know them. If I have made you upset about something I wrote, please forgive me – all of these thoughts are wishes that my grandmother would have offered you if she were alive. She would indeed have done it using words that are too simple for a world that is becoming increasingly complex, and that’s precisely why it is worth being treated with the required seriousness. If you (didn’t) like my suggestions, then take these (as well):

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Ozana Mureşan, photographer. Photo copyright (C) Răzvan Goldstein

If you liked this article, then I wish and ask you to subscribe via e-mail to receive all the articles published on Analytic Vision. You can find a form in the upper right part of the webpage. I also invite you to look at the archive, where you will find something that would work in your interest.

I thank those who have allowed me to use their photos to illustrate this article.

Enthrall yourself with beautiful femininity! Share it with everybody, especially those who don’t know its value!

Marcus Victor Grant

Communication strategy and human resources consultant

Text Copyright © Marcus Victor Grant 2014-present. Translation by Cristiana Brezeanu of the article Ce îți doresc eu ție, femeie, cu discernământ. published in Romanian at the 8th of March 2014 on Discerne. Text Copyright © Marcus Victor Grant, all rights reserved.


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